When You Become A Stranger To Yourself Pt.1

Ever seen that stupid dress that was all over the internet a while ago, you know, the one where people were arguing over whether it was gold or some other colour, as if there’s no problems left in the world to discuss, as if anyone even fucking cares?

Well, I don’t even know why I used that analogy really, but I guess it’s the best way I can try and begin to explain what I’ve been going through these past few days, if I can explain it at all that is…

So now imagine this - you're that stupid dress. Except of course, you’re not stupid, and you’re not a dress. But you just have no clue whether you’re gold, blue or some other shit you never even considered for that matter.

You’re literally a stranger to yourself. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What is it you want?

Yes, it’s often difficult to make decisions in life or act upon things. But for the most part, you have a pretty good idea of what’s going through your head and what you’re feeling, right? 

What do you do when you wake up one day and realise you have absolutely no clue what you’re feeling. No clue what you’re thinking. No clue what you want… Thoughts rushing through your mind, each one contradicting the last... 

Maybe you tell yourself it's just not your day... You distract yourself. You drink. You deny and ignore it, all in an effort to protect yourself from...yourself... You almost feel you've got it all under control...

...And then you wake up the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, too, feeling exactly the same.

Where do you go from there? How do you win this battle against your very own self?

To be continued...

PROVEHITO IN ALTUM
Daniel

Unknown

Like a thunderstorm on the eve of an ever so sunny day
A death that strikes on the happiest day of your life
Unexpected. Inexplicable. Destructive.

A product of our own imagination, misguided
A swing so swift and subtle you’d never know you’ve been struck in the first place
And all you’re left with are scars.

Scars that appear to have come from nowhere,
Scars that tie you down and pull you away from your dreams.

You feel alone,
As if no one or nothing can help you find the answers.
Lost.

Where do you go from there?

Reach out, reconnect with the universe.
The world has so much to offer.

The answers are all around us,
We just need to know where to look.

Seek help.

We’re all warriors, battling against the challenges of life
Sometimes we just need someone to give us a hand,
A sympathetic ear.

Perhaps some things stay the same, but we grow stronger every day
We learn to adapt, we learn to survive
We’re here, fighting, still standing strong

And you know what, that in itself is worth celebrating.
Each and every single day.

Fear

Fear. It’s fucking everywhere. It’s been embedded into our lives ever since day one. The media, the corporations, the rich and the powerful, those in charge. They all want us to fear something. In the quest for their own wealth and success, they deliberately and shamelessly attempt to imprison us in chains, to limit our capacities and put barriers between us and reality, us and our dreams, our ideals...

This fear is often presented to us in the form of “these guys are evil” or “this is bad for you, if you do that you’re in trouble” or in the form of a fairy tale specifically designed to distract you from the bigger picture. 

They tap into our subconscious every single day, and most of us never even notice it. What’s the point of having free speech if everyone’s been influenced into a specific pattern of thinking, particularly one which almost always is driven by the agenda of those in charge of “the system”.

False Expectations Appearing Real

We’ve got to question things, be curious. It's 2015 – we have no excuse for not being able to do so. The number of resources we have nowadays thanks to the continuous development of technology is insane. Let’s make use of everything that’s been put out there for us in our pursuit of the truth. Let’s break those chains that have taken our ability to think for ourselves captive. It’s about time we know right from wrong, and ensure those in power are doing what is in the best interest of society as a whole rather than for their own personal agendas.

Another form of fear comes from within ourselves. There may be external factors involved, but ultimately, fear is something we feel internally, and thus it can only thrive for as long as we allow it to. The majority of our fears are not life threatening or life defining. We have to remember this. 

Whatever it is causing the fear is something that comes and goes, and it will pass, and those moments will be a blip on the radar in the tale that is your life. So don’t give these irrational fears the power to imprison you. Don't let them suck the joy out of your life and stop you from doing things that you might actually enjoy or learn from!

I’ve certainly allowed fear to take hold of me in the past, and I still face the situations you may be going through as well, but remember – you are not the only one in the world who feels this way, you’re more than capable of facing whatever comes your way, and whatever it is you’re fearing, when you face that fear, it’s never as bad as you imagine it to be.

It’s time to set ourselves free.

If you find this post useful, I highly suggest you watch this excellent talk by Les Brown, helped me a lot! Also, please follow the blog if you enjoy my posts :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8mGRToWyf8

Provehito In Altum

Daniel

Surrender

Spin. Spin spin spin. 8 billion people, 8 billion souls, 8 billion stories, yet we all depend and rely on the same routine.

“It’s a boy” she cried, “We have a son!” She grasped him with her loving hands, as if she would never let him go again. She froze, speechless. Tears of joy brushed across her exasperated face, like an endless stream. He stared at her with passion, emotions stirring, disbelief that he was now a father and both the excitement and fear of having to take on a world of responsibility and commitment.

Two blocks down. The desperate screams of a little girl wake up an entire neighbourhood, yet no one lifts a finger. Her dad, intoxicated as usual, beating her, as if the innocent soul, his very own blood was some sort of predator out to get him. Sickening.

Cross country. A 17 year old kid, tired, beat and alone standing on the very edge of a bridge, desperately trying to find a reason to keep holding on to the railings but failing to do so. The wind brushes across his cheeks in perfect synchronisation with the memories of his self-deemed worthless life flashing before his eyes. He takes in a deep breath. “Fuck it” he says. “Fuck all of it”. He surrenders to gravity, letting go of the tightly gripped railings. Just as he is about to go into freefall, he notices an unfamiliar warmth around his chest. Yes, it’s the warmth of a loving, kind stranger who’s come from nowhere to provide the kid with that feeling he’s been longing for all his life – the feeling that there’s someone out there who cares. The feeling that love, friendship and compassion is still possible. Some would call this hope. And from that moment onwards, he had a reason to hold on, to keep fighting, to live for another day.

And then there’s me. And there’s you. We all have our own stories, our own challenges. And then there’s billions of others. I think we all need to remember this more often. Sometimes we get caught up in a moment, anxious, worried or excited, and we feel as though the world revolves around us. Every single second these things are happening – and we are certainly not the centre of the universe. We are all unique and important in our own way, but sometimes we need to ground ourselves and remember our place. Our thoughts and feelings are important, but they are not enough to change every single thing that goes on around us to be the way we want them to be. We can’t have every single person like us. We can’t have every single person behave the way we want, or do the things we want them to do.

I think sometimes, we need to remember our place, and realise that a lot of the internal chatter that goes on within our minds is a waste of energy, a lot of the anger and stress and dissatisfaction is caused by our expectations which are often, when you look at them objectively, unreasonable. Think about it. Is it reasonable to expect every single event to unfold the way you want it to? Is it reasonable to expect everyone to like you? Billions of things are going on in this world, billions of souls all going through different walks of life. You are important, you are unique. But sometimes it’s better to surrender yourself to the natural flow of things and remember that the world does not revolve around you. There is a natural process. The world keeps spinning, plants keep growing, the sun goes up and then it goes down again, and life goes on... Remember that.

PS: Not entirely pleased with this piece, but it's been a while and I haven't been able to perfect it so I wanted to share. Let me know what you think!