When You Become A Stranger To Yourself Pt.1

Ever seen that stupid dress that was all over the internet a while ago, you know, the one where people were arguing over whether it was gold or some other colour, as if there’s no problems left in the world to discuss, as if anyone even fucking cares?

Well, I don’t even know why I used that analogy really, but I guess it’s the best way I can try and begin to explain what I’ve been going through these past few days, if I can explain it at all that is…

So now imagine this - you're that stupid dress. Except of course, you’re not stupid, and you’re not a dress. But you just have no clue whether you’re gold, blue or some other shit you never even considered for that matter.

You’re literally a stranger to yourself. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What is it you want?

Yes, it’s often difficult to make decisions in life or act upon things. But for the most part, you have a pretty good idea of what’s going through your head and what you’re feeling, right? 

What do you do when you wake up one day and realise you have absolutely no clue what you’re feeling. No clue what you’re thinking. No clue what you want… Thoughts rushing through your mind, each one contradicting the last... 

Maybe you tell yourself it's just not your day... You distract yourself. You drink. You deny and ignore it, all in an effort to protect yourself from...yourself... You almost feel you've got it all under control...

...And then you wake up the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, too, feeling exactly the same.

Where do you go from there? How do you win this battle against your very own self?

To be continued...

PROVEHITO IN ALTUM
Daniel

Change

Change.

The one thing capable of scaring the fuck out of any person.

This one’s a common battle for me these days. When you take a step back and try to rationalise with all the thoughts going through your mind, you realise how ridiculous it is. You remember that the universe is built upon change. Days go by, seasons change, people are brought into and taken from this world every second, planets continuously orbit, air moves, people change…I could go on and on. It’s all around us.

And yet the majority of us want to stay still. Stay where you are, keep doing what you do, remain satisfied with what you have. Why? Because everything’s fine. Sure, you don’t live the perfect life, but then again who does? You’ve got a job. It may not be your dream job, but it pays the bills. You’ve got a family. You’ve got friends. You’re happy where you are. At least you feel that way. Nothing needs to change. The risk that comes with change is too great, right? Might as well stay put.

Wait a second though - how can you know and say that things are fine the way they are and that you’re happy where you are, without trying something else? Have you really been around, seen all that’s on offer?

Open your eyes and take a look around you. You know the successful people, the dreamers who made it by persevering through what was perhaps deemed impossible? What do they have that you don’t?

I think I know the answer to this one. I think it’s actually something you have that they don’t which is stopping you from being like them, keeping you from your dreams.

It’s the fear of stepping out of your comfort zone. Fear of the unknown.

You might think at this point that I sound like I’ve got it all figured out, and that I’m not like you. Or perhaps you think I have no idea what I’m on about :)

Actually, we’re on the same team, fighting the same fight. I have a decision pending, and regardless of what I decide I am about to embark on a new journey, a new chapter of my life. And I have no fucking clue what I want to do. My heart says one thing, my mind says another, friends and family another. I’m happy with the way things are, and I really wish I didn’t have to make this decision right now. In other words, I don’t want to step out of this comfort zone I’ve created for myself over the years. But sometimes, you just hear change calling out for you. You feel it. Sometimes, you just need to start listening, to open up your heart to new possibilities…

This piece is a reflection of some of my inner dialogue, and I hope those of you reading this can relate. At the very worst though, I will use this as a reminder to myself of how ridiculous our resistance against change is, and how people who are happy to step out of their comfort zone and take risks are the true winners of this game we call life.

So here’s a toast to the uncertainties that lie ahead and the beauty of life, which is dependent upon the unknown, the unforeseen, the untold. Here’s a toast to change, to the new experiences, friendships and memories that are yet to be made and engraved in our hearts and minds forever.

PROVEHITO IN ALTUM
Daniel